We have all been there, waiting around with the phone in our hands for a response or note from the dude that makes our lustful hearts go pitter-patter, all while ignoring the phone calls from the other guy who is consistent. You know which guy I’m talking about — the wholesome one, who actually asks you out on dates and replies to text messages in a timely fashion; the nice one. He’s sweet, kind and definitely not forgetful like the other guy. So, why do we treat the nice one like he’s trying to sell us copies of Gigli?
I have been pondering on this for a while. I gather that most of us simply want what we can’t have. Maybe, we even enjoy the thrill of the chase. That’s what they say right? Men are natural aggressors and we enjoy going after what we want. That shit gets easily confusing when there are two dudes involved. Am I right? Exactly.
So, here we are, constantly choosing to forego what we say we want for what we know will inevitably go nowhere. Before we know it, we have dated countless men, hooked up more than we care to mention and are still single. Through all of this though, the nice guy still checks up on you to make sure you’re doing well. He still likes your Instagram posts and even took the time to wish you happy holidays. The truth my friends, is that when we decide to let that man live in the shadows of our basic desires, we are simply not ready for him.
Often times, we say one thing and do another. This will always leave us unbalanced and in a deficit. If you are at a point in your life where you truly desire to be in a relationship, I recommend that you abandon whatever ideals you’ve conjured up over the years, and start fresh. What are the things that you need? These things should be foundational, essential, uncompromising qualities that you cannot do without in a partner. Forget about the wants for a while and approach dating with fresh eyes and a renewed sense of self, inspired by your needs. Once we put this into practice, it is my belief that the dating experience will become easier because we have trimmed the fat. These very basic wants, like height, job, abs, pecs-to-butt ratio and income requirements, only get in the way. Plus, let’s be honest, all of us aren’t meeting half of these superficial requirements anyway, right? So, let them go.
So yes, nice guys do finish last, as they should. They are the final stop. It isn’t until we have dated all the wrong guys or perhaps learned that we have been the asshole the entire time, that we can truly see him. He is the guy that deserves for us to fully get the kinks out before occupying the spaces of his heart. Essentially, what I am saying is that we have to take accountability for ourselves and our contribution to our unsuccessful dating track-records. Don’t say that you want to settle down, but go after the dude that questions that validity of monogamy or won’t return a phone call. Contradictions will not serve you well in this space. So, shout out to the nice guy, often also referred to as the good guy. We see you. Don’t be too impatient, some of us are still getting ready for you.
You want a guy that’s real nice,
That’ll spend all his dough and his time,
But then you change your mind and want a thug guy,
Who won’t act right.
I try to be the good guy,
You take me for granted,throw me to the side,
Rather have a man that’ll tell you lies,
Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why.
Boyz II Men- "Good Guy"
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